Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Thirty!

Mr. Rogers said, "If you grew up with our Neighborhood, you may remember how we sometimes talked about difficult things.  There were days ... even beautiful days ... that weren't happy.  In fact. there were some that were really sad.

Today's photos are a hodgepodge of new and old, included just because I love them.  This is one of my favorite photos of our house, taken in 2011 ... it has roses in it ('Shailer's Provence, to be exact), which automatically makes me like it more.

"Well, we've had a lot of days like that in our whole world.  We've seen what some people do when they don't know anything else to do with their anger.

Typical Winnie, seen here in a photo from her Christmas Sweater photo shoot earlier in the month.  She didn't want to pose for pictures; she wanted to sit in my lap.

"I'm convinced that when we help our children find healthy ways of dealing with their feelings -- ways that don't hurt them or anyone else -- we're helping make our world a safer, better place.

Last week's snow was a perfect snow day ... beautiful as it fell, and the ground was too warm for it to stick anywhere except for the mulched or grassy areas.

"I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger:  I like you just the way you are.

This one is a throwback photo to a happy day in 2002 or 2003.  It's Emma with me at the greyhound gathering in Gettysburg, PA,

"And what's more, I'm so grateful to you for helping the children in your life to know that you'll do everything you can to keep them safe and to help them express their feelings in ways that will bring healing in many different neighborhoods."

This is my favorite angel statue from Hollywood Cemetery.  I can only get a decent photo of it in winter, when the leaves are off the trees.  It's in dark shade from the surrounding trees at other times of year.

Me:  This final installment in my Mr. Rogers series is from a Public Service Announcement produced following the events of September 11, 2001.  I knew from the moment I read it that I would finish the month with it.  I did NOT know, however, that it would be as timely now as it was then, most recently because of the protests and violence throughout the country in reaction to the Grand Jury finding in Missouri.

I'll finish this with one more Mr. Rogers quote, 

"Peace means far more than the opposite of war!" 

As November comes to a close, and we start to think about Christmas (with all its obligations and preparations that can bring stress), I hope we can all find at least one moment every day when we are at peace.  

I will miss my daily visits with Mr. Rogers.  (almost daily, since I skipped a few days here and there during the month.)  It's been an enlightening and uplifting experience for me ... I know from your kind comments and messages that it was an enjoyable month for you, too.

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During the month of November, I have shared wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Twenty Nine

Mr. Rogers said, "It came to me ever so slowly that the best way to know the truth was to begin trusting what my inner truth was ... and trying to share it -- not right away -- only after I had worked hard at trying to understand it."

A friend saw this 1933 photo of our house on a Facebook page that she follows.  She instantly recognized it as our house, and she tagged me on the post.  I have never seen it before. (our house was 75 years old at the time)  

"You bring all you ever were and are to any relationship you have today."

Here is what the same view of our house looks like now.  

Me:  There is no greater gift to give than to let others see our true selves.  I have little patience for people who try to be something that they aren't.  Makes me wonder what else this type of person is faking.  Those who know me well know that I am fairly transparent ... what you see is pretty much what you get.  I have always been mostly this way, but I have tried to refine and distill away the extraneous parts of myself that didn't contribute to a happy inner self, putting both the positive and negative into perspective, and I'm pretty happy with the person that I am turning out to be.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

A Month of Mr. Rogers ... Days Twenty Five to Twenty-Eight

Mr. Rogers said, "Love is like infinity:  You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're 'equally infinite'.  Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too."

I took this photo a couple of days ago.  That's my husband working on his portrait of Daniel and me.  I love how he was using an enlargement of the reference photo on his iPad to get the details of my sneaker just right.

Me:  There are no words to accurately express how thankful I am to be spending my life with this man!  "Infinity" comes close, but it's still not enough.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Twenty-Four

Mr. Rogers said, "I received a letter from a parent who wrote:  'Mr. Rogers, how do you do it?  I wish I were like you.  I want to be patient and quiet and even-tempered, and always speak respectfully to my children.  But that just isn't my personality.  I often lose my patience and even scream at my children.  I want to change from an impatient person into a patient person, from an angry person into a gentle one.'

Today's weather was unseasonably warm.  It was a great day for working outside, though I had a sad duty to accomplish ... removing two large roses that were infected with Rose Rosette Disease.

"Just as it takes time for children to understand what real love is, it takes time for parents to understand that being 'always' patient, quiet, even-tempered, and respectful isn't necessarily what 'good' parents are.  In fact, parents help children by expressing a wide range of feelings -- including appropriate anger.  All children need to see that the adults in their lives can feel anger and not hurt themselves or anyone else when they feel that way."

Instead of being depressed about removing these roses, I have decided to approach it as an opportunity to do something different in their spaces ... making lemonade out of lemons, as a rose friend in Georgia reminded me.

Me:  I was a stay-at-home mom and raising my children was my career ... my most important life's work.  As much as I would love to say (honestly) that I was perfect and patient and the best Mom ever, I have to admit that I was human.  There were times when circumstances were beyond what I could handle calmly, and I would lose my temper.  It's okay to be human ... in fact, it's all we CAN be.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Twenty-Two (and Twenty-Three)

Mr. Rogers said, "If the day ever came when we were able to accept ourselves and our children exactly as we are and they are, then, I believe, we would have come very close to an ultimate understanding of what 'good' parenting means.  it's part of being human to fall short of that total acceptance --- and often far short.  But one of the more important gifts a parent can give a child is the gift of accepting that child's uniqueness."

I spent the day away yesterday, meeting friends that I don't see often.  First stop was an antique shop that I have never been to ... bought this painting to add to my collection of amateur rose paintings ... it's painted well, but it's pretty awful at the same time ... just the way I like them!

"It's not always easy for a father to understand the interests and ways of his son.  It seems the songs of our children may be in keys we've never tried.  The melody of each generation emerges from all that's gone before.  Each of us contributes in some unique way to the composition of life."

Our other stop was at Albemarle Cider Works, where they grow heritage apples and make fantastic cider.  This is what I brought home ... a mixed half-bushel of apples for eating and for pies (York, Stayman, Gold Rush, and Albemarle Pippin), two bottles of hard cider, and a half-gallon of fresh cider.

Me:  We have three daughters, all grown now.  Each of them has a very different personality than either of their sisters ... the challenge in parenting them has always been to respect those differences but not go crazy catering to each one's preferences and tendencies.  They are very close in age, and it would have seemed natural to treat them as a homogeneous unit all the time.  Not doing this allowed each of them to develop into their OWN person, while still maintaining the connection as a member of our family.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Twenty-One

Mr. Rogers said, "It's no secret that I like to get to know people -- not just the outside stuff of their lives.  I like to try to understand the meaning of who people are and what they're saying to me."

Yesterday morning, Winnie had made herself comfortable in the corner of a chair in a sunbeam on my fleece robe.  She and I had been sitting there together.  When I got up, I squirmed out of the robe and left it behind for her.

"In the external scheme of things, shining moments are as brief as the twinkling of an eye, yet such twinklings are what eternity is made of -- moments when we human beings can say 'I love you,' 'I'm proud of you,' 'I'm grateful for you.'  That's what eternity is made of:  invisible, imperishable good stuff."

Maggie hopped onto the chair to share the sunbeam with Winnie, but Maggie changed her mind and hopped back down.

Winnie left her corner and stretched out, leaving no room in case Maggie came back.

"Listening is a very active awareness of the coming together of at least two lives.  Listening, as far as I'm concerned, is certainly a prerequisite of love.  One of the most essential ways of saying 'I love you' is being a receptive listener,"

A few minutes later, Winnie jumped from the chair to the sofa (a distance of about 8 inches).  Maggie seized the opportunity to claim the sunbeam and take a bath.

And Winnie snuggled down to take a nap in her fleece bed wrapped in her blue blanket.

Me:  True listening seems to be a dying art.  I find that many people I talk with are processing the conversation and formulating a response, instead of really listening to what is said.  I blame myself for this, too, and I think this is why there are times when I tend to forget things ... people's names especially.  (I used to be good at remembering names, but now I really suck at it.)  It's difficult to remember stuff if we are preoccupied with something else and we never really HEARD it in the first place.  I'm working on this, and I am trying to be better about giving people my undivided attention.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Nineteen (and Twenty)

Mr. Rogers said, "Each generation, in its turn, is a link between all that has gone before and all that comes after.  That is true genetically, and it is equally true in the transmission of identity.  Our parents gave us what they were able to give, and we took what we could of it and made it part of ourselves.  If we knew our grandparents, and even great-grandparents, we will have taken from them what they could offer us, too.  All that helped to make us who we are.  We, in our turn, will offer what we can of ourselves to our children and their offspring."

Yesterday morning, this was the reading on my thermometer on the kitchen windowsill.  The outdoor sensor is in a protected spot in the back yard.  Twelve degrees is WAY colder than normal for any winter day in Hartwood, and off the charts for November, but I count my blessings that we didn't have it as bad as many other parts of the US.

Grandparents are both our past and our future.  In some ways they are what has gone before, in others they are what we will become.

Temperature at about the same time today ... twenty degrees warmer than yesterday.

Me:  I never really knew my grandparents in person.  They lived in southern California. As an Army Brat (a label that I wear with great pride), we only lived in California for two very short times when I was very young, while my father was deployed overseas.  Other than that, I only remember seeing my grandparents when they would come to visit us or we would visit them.  Most of what I know about them has been shaped by old photographs and stories told by my parents.

My daughters, on the other hand, have always lived close enough to their grandparents so they know each other very, very well.  Each daughter has real memories of spending time doing everyday things with grandparents ... things like cooking, or bike riding, or sleepovers.  Thanksgiving and Christmas were, and still are, filled with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  This is the way that my husband grew up, and it is perfectly normal for him that our children have such a close relationship with so much extended family.

Our grandchildren live a short 18 miles away in the next county ... close enough for my husband and me to be a true part of their lives ... and, for this, I am infinitely thankful!

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Eighteen

Mr. Rogers said, "Learning and loving go hand in hand.  My grandfather was one of those people who loved to live and loved to teach.  Every time I was with him, he'd show me something about the world or something about myself that I hadn't even thought of yet.  He'd help me find something wonderful in the smallest of things, and ever so carefully, he helped me understand the enormous worth of every human being.  My grandfather was not a professional teacher, but the way he treated me (the way he 'loved' me) and the things he did with me, served me as well as any teacher I've ever known."

Remember the cuttings I took at Tufton Farm last month?  (I showed them to you in THIS post.)

They have spent the last month in my basement workshop, safely tucked on shelves with fluorescent lights.

About half of the containers are starting to show roots!

Click the link below to go to my tutorial, if you want to learn how to root roses like this.

How to Root Rose from Cuttings

Me:  Today's Mr. Rogers quote reminds me so much of how I think of myself.  When I was in school, I wanted to be a teacher.  After high school, I spent two years in college working toward that goal.  It was then that I realized that I didn't really want to be a traditional teacher in a classroom (dealing with difficult students, administration, and parents).  I really wanted to be a stay at home mom, raising my children.

Along the way, I did get to be a teacher ... it's what moms truly ARE, you know.  We teach our children every day, from the moment they are born.  We help them learn lessons about life, love, people, play, relationships, and so on.  I got to teach other people's children, too, as a Girl Scout Leader and a volunteer reading tutor.  More recently, I give programs to groups and lead tours of my garden, teaching everyone who will listen about the history and culture of roses.  From time to time, I act as a guide for Christmas or Garden Week tours, telling stories and teaching visitors about a particular house/garden.  This blog is another example ... it's filled with all sorts of lessons!

I have no regrets about not continuing with college to become a traditional teacher.  I did it my way and I ended up as my own kind of teacher.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Seventeen

Mr. Rogers said, "Love and trust, in the space between what's said and what's heard in our life, can make all the difference in this world."

I was taking my Mustang to the mechanic's shop for some minor work the other evening, and it quit on me while I was at the gas station.

Fortunately, there is a trustworthy repair shop not too far from there, and they dispatched their roll-back right away.

"It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life."

There she goes, all strapped down and heading to the repair shop ... just not exactly the way I intended, and with another problem to repair besides the original one.

It was a great sense of relief to see her being safely unloaded at the shop.  My mechanic will take good care of her.

Me:  The incident with my Mustang is a good example of how wonderful it is to have people that you trust to help you.  When the car's starter shorted and the engine wouldn't shut off, I called my husband and he came with tools to disconnect the battery cable and shut off the engine.  The tow truck driver was quick and polite and I knew that he would take great care of my car while it was on its way to Fredericksburg to the shop.  My mechanic is one of my favorite people, and I absolutely trust him to do whatever is necessary to get my car back onto the road again.

The downside of the lesson of that evening is this:  In the ten minutes or so between when my car malfunctioned and when my husband arrived with the tools to get the engine turned off, no one at the crowded convenience store offered any sort of assistance.  I had the situation in hand, so it wasn't necessary to have outside help ... but there I was, classic Mustang with its engine racing and its hood raised, and no one came over to see if I was okay.  If I had truly needed help, I would have gone looking for it ... but it would have been nice if someone offered.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Sixteen

Mr. Rogers said, "Understanding love is one of the hardest things in the world."

Ruby and Winnie both seek out snuggly places as much as the humans do when the weather is chilly.

"Deep with us -- no matter who we are -- there lives a feeling of wanting to be lovable, of wanting to be the kind of person that others like to be with.  And the greatest thing we can do is to let people know that they are loved and capable of loving."

Cuddling on the sofa in the sunshine ... I am very thankful that they like each other.

"Love isn't a state perfect caring.  it is an active noun like 'struggle'.  To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."

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Me:  We did anger yesterday ... today, let's think about what it truly is to LOVE someone.  Whatever love means to you, it is a wonderful thing to have that connection to express love with another human or animal.  I feel love for my children, my husband, and my furry critters beyond words to express it ... but you already knew that.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Fifteen

Mr. Rogers said, "The values we care about the deepest, and the movements within society that support those values, command our love.  When those things that we care about so deeply become endangered, we become enraged.  And what a healthy thing that is!  Without it, we would never stand up and speak out for what we believe."

Cats and clothes baskets ... they go together like peanut butter and jelly.

The thing I remember best about successful people I've met all through the years is their obvious delight in what they're doing ... and it seems to have very little to do with worldly success.  They just love what they're doing, and they love it in front of others.

Maggie decided that this basket of clean clothes would be a good place to nap.

Me:  I don't get angry very often.  I find that frequent anger is counterproductive, and it's healthier for me to calmly work out situations that frustrate me.  When I feel anger, I tend to speak quietly and distinctly, making sure that what I say is assertive and is not misunderstood.  There have been times, though, when I completely blow my top.  When this happens, people are caught off guard and they tend to pay attention because they're not used to seeing me express anger like that ... it's effective, in a way, because I don't do it all the time.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Fourteen

Mr. Rogers said, "It's not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life that ultimately nourish our souls.  It's the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is firm."

This is the extent of my fall decorating ... a pumpkin on a silver plate ... with Alice to add the exact right amount of sparkle.

Me:  I feel sorry for people who always seem to be seeking the approval of others.  It's great to be acknowledged and to know that what we do is appreciated, and it's not healthy to base our feeling of self worth on how others perceive us.  We must be proud of ourselves and our accomplishments, no matter now large or small ... any approval outside ourselves is an extra added bonus.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Thirteen

Mr. Rogers said, "In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers."

Winnie came to us last year in January.

"The gifts we treasure most over the years are often small and simple.  In easy times and in tough times, what seems to matter most is the way we show those nearest us that we've been listening to their needs  and to their challenges."

She missed out on getting all dressed up in a special Christmas sweater.

"The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self."

I made one for her last week.  The pattern is HERE.

Me:  No commentary today.  Mr. Rogers said it perfectly!


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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Twelve

Mr. Rogers said, "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you at the beginning of something else.  I've felt that many times.  My hope for all of us is that 'the miles we go before we sleep' will be filled with all the feelings that come from deep caring -- delight, sadness, joy, wisdom -- and that in all the endings of our life, we will be able to see the new beginnings."

Here is Dorothy, enjoying a blazing sunbeam in my lap on a recent chilly day.

"All life events are formative.  All contribute to what we become, year by year, as we go on growing ... You aren't the age you are.  You are all the ages you ever have been."

It's rare for me to sit for any length of time and not end up with a cat on at least part of my lap.

Me;  It's comforting to think that there can be new beginnings.  If we have taken the wrong path, or when things turn out wrong for whatever reason, we have the opportunity to stop, turn around, and begin again.  All of this makes us into the person that we are ... and helps us become the person we want to be.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.

Thirty Days of Mr. Rogers ... Day Eleven

Mr. Rogers said, "Little by little we human beings are confronted with situations that give us more and more clues that we aren't perfect."

In October, I shared this vase full of a beautiful spray of 'Curly Pink' on the Hartwood Roses Facebook page.

"I must be an emotional archaeologist because I keep looking for the roots of things, particularly the roots of behavior and why I feel certain ways about certain things."

I didn't share the rest of the photos that I took that day, though.

"The child is in me still ... and sometimes not so still."

When I bring flowers in and put them in a vase, Alice goes all herbivore on me, and she gnaws on the leaves.  

I am thankful that roses aren't poisonous.

Me:  One of things I like most about my adult self is how I still enjoy the child-like aspects in things.  Some say that it's child-ISH, but we all know that it's a positive and healthier way to be.  Watching the sunset, catching fireflies (which I still do), counting stars, kicking rocks ... things that 'real' grown-ups aren't supposed to have time to do.  Paying attention to the smaller things in life makes everything else a LOT more enjoyable.

Getting older is inevitable .... growing up is optional.

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During the month of November, I plan to share wisdom from Mr. Rogers with you each day (from the book "The World According to Mr. Rogers") ... Mr. Rogers's words accompanied by everyday images from life here at Hartwood Manor ... this place that I am blessed to call HOME.